he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
