I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The Olympian is in my bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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