He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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