Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
