dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
