We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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