I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
