i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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