How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
