i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
