I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
