do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
