I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
