Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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