I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
