i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Enjoy the penises
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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