about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
