Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
