i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
