Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
