Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
