its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
