I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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