every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
