i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
