He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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