Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
