it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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