I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
