that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
