Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
