the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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