I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
