I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
