we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
