Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
