Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
