Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
