Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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