We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
