I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
