i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
