Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
