put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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