That's when you crack a 10am beer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
