FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
