I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
