are you still at the devil's house?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How drunk are you?
Completed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
