he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
