ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
