Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
