last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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