You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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