We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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