I will die if light touches me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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