You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
