after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
