Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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